Survival Machine » humor

As the world burns…

simian — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 01:27:34 +0000

For the moment, I’m sitting next to Celeste on a dust-covered couch - one of many in this covered pavilion at the center of Black Rock City, Nevada. Lots of whimsy, nonsense, dust storms, and the American Dream are alive and well here in this god-forsaken desert. Somehow I found wi-fi access and am taking this brief moment to let you know that our gang is healthy and having fun, and we’ll be back to Maryland faster than you can sing a commercial jingle.

A little while ago, on the walk here, we heard someone reading Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas over a P.A., for anyone within earshot to enjoy. Tonight, we’re going hippie fishing. If you’ve never heard of it, just know that it involves fishing line, a glowstick, and confused ravers in the dark.

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The icons of economic recession… tattoos?

simian — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:39:58 +0000

I know there are still, and probably always will be, fuddy-duddies out there. But I couldn’t help wondering whether the Washington Post was joking when they recently posted the op-ed Ink-Stained Wretchedness by Colonel Sanders-impersonator¹ Richard Cohen. This is just a quick ‘WTF?’ entry… thanks to Aaron for pointing it out.

…the tattoos of today are not minor affairs or miniatures placed on the body where only an intimate or an internist would see them. Today’s are gargantuan, inevitably tacky, gauche and ugly. They bear little relationship to the skin that they’re on. They don’t represent an indelible experience or membership in some sort of group but an assertion that today’s whim will be tomorrow’s joy. After all, a tattoo cannot be easily removed. It takes a laser — and some cash.

Are we supposed to believe that Colonel—ahem—Mister Cohen gets to know the people wearing the art well enough to determine what their relationship to it truly is? Is he an adept translator of Hebrew, Chinese, or Sanskrit (what Cohen calls “Hindi”) characters? I suspect not. And I sorely doubt that he gets to see the “minor affair” tattoos on the bodies of many “intimates” in person these days—so how does he know whether they are still popular? And let’s get this out of the way: watching porn does not provide our intrepid cultural anthropologist with a representative cross-section of today’s youth.

Is the Washington Post required to keep publishing this guy’s column? Do newspapers have some kind of secret tenure system I’m not privy to? For disclosure’s sake, I do have three tattoos, all of which are visual (at least in warm climate) to the general public. And this fuddy-duddy did just call me a loser:

The tattoo is the battle flag of today in its war with tomorrow. It is carried by sure losers.

But, in his very next sentence, he continues:

About 40 percent of younger Americans (26 to 40) have tattoos.

What a grim vision of the future Mr. Cohen has. I hope he can take some comfort in the likelihood that he probably won’t be around to witness much more of it.

¹ I think Brooks Wackerman does a better job.

The Great Catholic Cracker Crack-Up

simian — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:54:33 +0000

Please read PZ Myers’ entry on what I like to call The Great Catholic Cracker Crack-Up at Pharyngula. It’s comedy gold.

Ninja bears?

simian — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:45:45 +0000

I know I haven’t posted recently, and thus have really not kept up with my new years resolution to post at least once a week. But, I probably cursed this blog with that resolution. So, in an attempt to humble my high-and-mighty scientific ambitions and set the bar lower to allow more frequent updates, I present you with:

NINJA BEARS!

Photographer unknown.

Alien Hand Syndrome… or, Autoerotic Degenerative Disease: the other ADD?

simian — Tue, 13 May 2008 05:21:57 +0000

No disrespect intended to the late Aubrey Williams by following up with this post, but I just had to share. Anyway, I’m sure he’d have appreciated the humor in it. My lady-friend C shared this medical journal article¹ with me that another friend had sent her. You needn’t try to understand all the medical jargon - if you just skim through the Abstract and Case Report (you can stop at the discussion), you’ll see why it’s funny.

It sounds like the patient himself didn’t find this very funny at all. Gee, I wonder why? What’s not funny about involuntarily cuffing the carrot in front of your nurse?

¹ American Journal of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Volume 79, No. 4, July/August 2000, pp. 395-398. Involuntary Masturbation as a Manifestation of Stroke-Related Alien Hand Syndrome, by Benson G. Ong Hai and Ib R. Odderson